There's an idea Ive been tossing around.

The idea is, you take on different roles in life either by choice or by circumstance. You change over longer periods of time. You also try to be different either in character or ability.

For example, you try to be better in general. Better in terms of fashion and appearance. More intellectual, more skilled at lets say video editing, or coding, or art. In this pursuit you become closer to this role and this "Version" of you.

However the key distinction I want to introduce is that there's a dormant you that resides at the center. These other "you's" change and morph and are more subject to time. They all wash over the core you and leave "residue".

Ultimately this central you does not change as much. When the conscious effort slips, you revert to this you. This can be in momentary lapses where you just do something out of instinct or habit without thinking. It can be when under stress and you have less time to embody a different role or consider your options rationally. It can also be when you move on from that area or topic.

Thats another thing. This you is formed more by emotional and experiential drivers than by rational thought.

You get tugged in different directions and momentarily advance in a direction however you ultimately return to a center. Consider it like the ocean and its currents. You move with a wave and then the wave pushes you back. Youre further out than you once were but not as far as the wave first pushed you. You can also try to sail in a particular direction but the current (ie the core you) pulls you to the natural resting position. The wording of a natural resting position sounds right. [[Mental muscles]]

There is no real way to change this core you as it is contingent on time. You can spend months trying to be a certain way but that may not ultimately influence the core you in a meaningful way.

It's like, I try to be a certain way. I try to be put together and try to focus on looking better and try to be certain things. But then one day it hits you that oh, you let these things slip a little because you can only hold so many masks at once. For the most part, Im still mostly the me before all this. Ive gone back to a degree.